Don't "Diss" your Sisterhood!

Audrey Hepburn is one of my favourite woman-kind of all time and I love her quote “You can tell more about a person by what he/she says about others than you can by what others says about him/her”. Too true Sister!

You can picture the scene can’t you?  You sit down at a table next to a group of women when you over-hear them talking in excited, hushed tones in the most damning, derogatory way about another woman? I have witnessed the scene many times myself and been quite glad that it wasn’t me they were talking about. But I have to say that I have been on the receiving end of this kind of tongue-lashing a few times too and found it very distressing and felt completely betrayed through it. To a certain extent I appreciate male company more than female for this very reason; except for the handful of genuine, authentic “Wild Women” friends that I have the honour of connecting with.

Now, I parted ways with some relief this year with a female friend who did or rather still does diss her sisterhood. I am ashamed to say that I have sat with her whilst she has divulged the most intimate of details regarding mutual friends. I cringe to the highest degree that I was party to one conversation that resulted in me knowing one particular friend had never achieved an Orgasm in her fourty-something years! I am quite sure that this information was never meant to be up for general discussion behind her back and that it was only shared after a lot of soul searching and courage with just one person…. And that person betrayed her big-time through repeating it! I could write many more instances but you get the picture right? … This woman and those like her are never happier than when they are surrounded by a captive audience spilling the beans on other women with the utmost glee and delight thus giving everyone there the benefit of their skewed thoughts and perceptions of other women and girl-friends.

Dissing your sisterhood really is the most unattractive habit to witness, both for men and other women. Whilst you sit there happily taking in all that dirt and grime just think about what she will be saying about you behind your backs girls. That is guaranteed to make you think twice about being a part of such a vile activity. But I am interested in why women do this because men don’t do they? Lots of research has gone into the differences in how men and women communicate and it is well documented that women tend to talk over a problem or issue with their peers until they feel satisfied that it is resolved and they have a solution. But dissing your sisterhood is different to that. To me it is more unclear as to why some women sit happily slagging other women off but when you research more into this there are common themes that evolve regarding those who do it.

It seems that those women who diss their sisterhood are very much showing their own personal insecurities and imperfections. They huddle together gathering all those who will listen, which is usually the same girl-kind each time. They want to feel secure, popular, needed and intelligent. They observe traits, beauty, possessions or whatever in another woman that they themselves would like to possess but instead of thinking “go-girl, you have done well” or “you are gorgeous, good for you” they instead feel the need to rip them apart and somehow make them appear ugly, fake and failures. It is pretty obvious to me that women who diss their sisterhood are reflecting what they feel about themselves… but through their jealous ugly words they don’t see that they are reinforcing their own unhappiness and negativity. If only they would step back and realise that they hold the key to their own success, beauty and happiness.

Next time you hear this going on just take a look at the perpetrator and notice their imperfections (we all have them), their voice tone and their posture and ask yourself two questions. Do you see how visibly unhappy, bitter and jealous they are? Do you personally want that negativity in your own life? After all, life is tough enough for us all, whether male or female, without adding to it. We are sharing this life journey on Earth for a long time so why don’t we start 2013 by showing more kindness, compassion and humility towards our sisterhood and stop dissing other women… I am sure it will make the world a happier place for all of us but most of all the ones who are insistent on being carrying out this awful pastime

Honouring Jacintha

Please note that I work in the Health Profession and therefore my views are based on my own experience over the 25 plus years in the Nursing profession.What I write here is not a reflection of what I find within my current employment.


It’s just over a week since Jacintha Saldanha committed suicide by hanging herself with a scarf. I was absolutely gutted to hear the news and even more gutted to hear the cause. She was an outstanding Nurse with a lot of experience and I consider her to be a kindred spirit and a peer who will be missed hugely in her profession. I have been growing more concerned over her death as the week has gone on and wanted to write something to honour this beautiful soul and write from a nurse’s perspective. 

Over the past week I have read various views on social media about Jacintha’s actions, most of which are hugely compassionate and caring. However, some people have remarked on how it could ever be possible to mistake two Australian DJ’s for Royal family members. Some have remarked that there must have been something else going on in her life for her to kill herself for “this”. I read these comments with disgust for it shows a complete lack of understanding of human nature and the confusion and desperation that Jacintha must have felt regarding her situation. It also shows a lack of understanding and complete disregard of the blame culture present in the health care profession.

I have been a Nurse for over 25 years now and I have worked in the NHS and Charity sector for much of that. What I can tell you here from experience is that Jacintha must have felt totally alone and enormously fearful for her future given her situation at that time. This was no ordinary situation; this was an absolute embarrassment for the Hospital on the biggest scale you could imagine. The breach in confidentiality was not against a member of ‘Joe Public’ but was the future Heir and King of England’s Wife. I believe completely without a doubt that the Hospital, a private Hospital reliant on reputation, will not have taken that well. Jacintha will have felt the immense pressure and wrath of the management and senior Nurses to such a degree that she would not have known which way to turn. Please believe me when I tell you this would have been the case. 

The reality of this is that Jacintha was a loving Wife and Mother and was staying in London only to work so she didn't have family support around her. She could not have returned home to Bristol without a media furore surrounding her as soon as she left her work base home. Even the most experienced celebrities with their PR gurus struggle with that type of media pressure so I can not imagine what Jacintha was feeling. She was not in her native country and must have felt a million miles away from home. On top of that she would have been facing Hospital management and seniors who would have seemed extremely intimidating to a Nurse under those circumstances. They would have been absolutely furious to learn that their Hospital was in the ‘limelight’ for confidentiality issues regarding Royalty and working within an environment of “Blame Culture” they would want answers. As a human being and a Nurse I can tell you that Jacintha would have been completely falling apart at the seams and with very little support available to her. 

It has been alleged that Jacintha wrote three suicide notes during her two attempts to take her life. One to her beloved family, one to the DJ’s where she laid responsibility for her death at their feet and the third note was reputed to criticise certain members of the Hospital staff. This confirms what I believed happened to Jacintha. No sensitive, caring, compassionate human being would have been able to cope with the enormity of this situation without a great deal of support and care. In my opinion Jacintha would have been a strong capable lady, you need to be in the Nursing profession and taking her own life was not a sign of weakness but a sign of sheer desperation given her circumstances. My heart feels heavy to think that we lost such a wonderful Nurse but it feels even heavier when I think of her two children without a Mother. Was her life worth more than the Hospital reputation? Was it worth more than a stupid prank? Of course it was! 

If I could say anything to Jacintha right now it would be to say you did not do anything wrong and I so wish that I, someone, anyone could have reached you and taken care of you. Thank you for your dedication and compassion as a Nurse, you will be greatly missed. To her family I want to say that I am sorry we let Jacintha down and that this cannot be the end of the matter. Whatever led to Jacintha taking her own life must be shared with you so that you can understand and make sense of your loss. My heartfelt love and sincere condolences go to you all.