"A Man I used to know"

As I walked into the room I could see him lying peacefully in his bed, each breath could have been his last. I rested my hand gently on his head. That small gesture gave me great insight into this mans life even though it was ebbing away as I stood beside him. I could feel the bones of his skull through his thinned hair and as I looked at his facial contours his cheek bones were so prominent underneath such pale skin. Painfully thin now from the ravages of cancer, he was sadly a shadow of his physical self. His whole body was weak from years of fighting and now he was dying. He opened his eyes and tried to smile as he whispered hello and took my hand. His bright blue eyes were still twinkly and full of hope…. Hope was for a peaceful journey now as he continued on rather than hope to live longer with this disease. It was not that he wanted to leave this world because he certainly did not, but he told me he knew he would continue to evolve spiritually and that this was not the end for him. I stroked his hair just for short while and then just sat in stillness with him whilst holding his hand. I had shared his journey for just over a year, through each stage of acceptance as he moved from one stage of his disease to another. As I sat with him my thoughts turned to his sparse home in Glastonbury and how little he owned in material things in this world. Glastonbury was his spiritual home and like many he had chosen to live there to be closer to like-minded people and to be more at one with his beliefs. I thought more about all that he stood for in this life and the richness and wealth he had were hugely apparent to me; yet those riches were neither tangible nor measurable in monetary or material terms. It was more about what he had become through living life with simplicity and goodness, which had allowed his spiritual and higher self to be nurtured and to blossom. He was a father and his children had learned so much from him. The way they held their Dad’s hand through all of this was so touching and I would watch them tenderly walk beside him giving him strength and encouragement. They were so young yet they had wisdom beyond their years; their Dad’s legacy I am very certain of. This man, so desperately ill to look at appeared to exude peace and serenity with every breath he took. I felt overwhelmed with emotion as I felt this through my fingertips and I wanted to cry. Instead, I took a few deep breaths and I continued to just be, and through the unspoken I absorbed the lessons of this special moment. He became more wakeful for a while and I helped him to change position to rest back down. This always seemed to be on his right side facing out on to the beautiful gardens at the Hospice, he told me he needed that connection with nature, with the universe and he wanted to be able to see the sky as it passed from day to night and back to day again. The Pagan Wheel of the Year gave him focus and he knew life would continue with the eternal process of death and rebirth. He told me in one of our conversations that “this is not the end for me. I have so much I still want to do but it won’t be here! I know I will go on and on and on just like the wheel of the year”. Each day I would give Blessings to him with the sacred waters that I had collected from the Chalice Well and the Whitesprings. He would take a few sips of the water and then allow me to cleanse his face and hands with the calming cool waters. I can’t remember all that I said to him but the words just seemed to flow intuitively as I gently spoke about letting go and continuing his journey. He took comfort that someone was giving him permission to let go and was acknowledging that all was OK. He wanted me to do this every day for almost a week before he left this world and each day brought different words of comfort or described different paths through the Chalice Well gardens as we journeyed together in an almost guided mediation. His journey continues but not on this Earth. I took the lessons from those precious moments we shared which reaffirmed something within me and relit my passion for life…. Life here is short and all the money in the world won’t change that. Living life more simply, without greed is more essential than filling our lives with material things that have little value in our quest for long lasting happiness and peaceful hearts. Life needs to slow right down for us to really see what wonders are around and to connect again with nature and the Universe. It is not that difficult once you change your mind-set and it is so worth the effort. The bottom line is that we need very little in material things, just enough to get by- the rest is out there if you open your heart. I am so full of gratitude for this man I used to know, and through knowing him I am a better person and a better nurse. (Photo is a design by Wendy Andrew, a most wonderful artist)