Tonight I am sitting in the dark and at 3 o’clock in the morning the house is so still… Outside I can see the cows all lying down in the field in the Full Moon light with the silhouette of Glastonbury Tor watching over us. It feels kinda special to be in this moment resting back into the arms of Gaia …calm, reassuring and sacred!
It has been such a funny old day today with the Universe working in very mysterious ways: a bit of a jolt in to reality in some ways. In addition to that it is Samhain, which I feel in every fibre of my being right now. On this magically auspicious day I am honouring and giving grateful thanks for my wonderful Ancestors who shaped me into the person I am today. I have been gifted with a huge family and many of us got together last weekend for a Wedding in the Lake District. As I left everyone I sobbed… really sobbed like I haven’t done before. This wasn’t just a few shed tears but a real pain in my core and wrench of emotion from the solar plexus. I didn’t understand exactly what this was about at the time but have pondered on it these last few days and I feel Samhain has a lot to do with the raw emotion of last Sunday plus a heavy influence from Lady Luna herself as she shows her full splendour. The depth of the emotion I felt was the realisation that my family are the ones I can always rely on and trust implicitly without judgment. They are the ones who have never let me down and the ones to lift me when I am down. That is very humbling and is where the raw emotion came from that day I am sure.
Every year at Samhain I give thanks and honour family members who have passed over but this year there is an immense feeling of connection with them. I am so proud of my Ancestors and of their gutsy hard-working attitude to life. For me there is one beautiful lady who I idolised when growing up and I still do actually. My gorgeous Nana, Connie, who passed over in 1987 yet to me never went away and still guides me today. Connie was a no-messing hard working lady who had a tough life and she was the heart and soul of our family. She would watch with a knowing look in her eyes and not much passed on by her. The pain I felt when she passed over was like nothing I had experienced before and like many others, losing a Grand-Parent was my first encounter with true grief. I am incredibly lucky to have Connie’s unstoppable determination and survival instinct and in times of upset and anguish I still see her beautiful silvery hair, rosy-cheeked face and I hear her voice say “It’ll be alright lovey”. She made everything right in a way nobody else could. I love you to bits Connie and I know you always understood me!
Family is foremost in my mind right now with seeing so many last weekend. When I think of my younger years the women in our family were amazing role models so it was very special to be able to spend time with some of them again. Their generously loving hearts, passion for life, gentle grace, incredibly deep love of animals and nature, their wit and humour and their unrelenting resolve to overcome life’s difficulties influenced me and made me into the person I am today. I honour the sacred place they have in my life right now and give thanks for that they are still here.
So this year for me Samhain is more about Family, my blood family and my soul family of just a few friends who I bestow with that title. It is about knowing my place in the world of Paganism and being true to myself ~ “walking my walk and talking my talk” which there isn’t enough of in this world, believe me!. It’s about leaving behind that which is shallow and hollow in the Pagan world of late and not following the “crowd”. It’s about a new consciousness in me that I do not fit with some of what is going on and I won’t be a part of it. My path has become much more solitary without intention and I embrace that this Samhain and move forward with it into a wonderful new year.
Have a very Blessed Samhain everyone.
(Photo is Connie~taken in around 1940)
